The statistics in the UK are not unique in telling us that sexual issues are fairly common with 1 in 2 people experiencing one or more issues in the course of their life (for more details, see NATSAL infographics in the information section). Anorgasmia or inability to experience an orgasm is the reality of 7% of women in the UK (YouGov 2022 data).
Women that report to always experiencing an orgasm during sex are far from the majority, in fact only 1 in 3 women fits this profile. This means that 2 in 3 women only experience it in a range from sometimes to never.
Meanwhile, men tend to report experiencing an orgasm twice as often as women (2 in 3 men report experiencing an orgasm versus 1 in 3 women). This is actually called the “Orgasm Gap”.
Why is it difficult to reach climax and experience and orgasm?
Let’s start by understanding the female genitals anatomy a little bit more…
The first thing to say is that every female genital area is different. Nerve positioning varies from woman to woman. This means that what works for someone may not work for someone else. Each individual needs to go on a journey of self-discovery. If you have tried a friend’s advice about what works for them, and it didn’t for you, then it may just be a matter of anatomical difference!
Nerves in the genital area are more sensitive on the outside of the genitals. The largest concentration of nerve endings is in the clitoris gland. There are between 6000 and 8000 nerve endings in this area which is similar to the penis. However, that large quantity of nerve endings is present on a surface the size of a pencil eraser for women, and therefore much more sensitive to touch.
Stimulation of the vagina differs to the clitoris, as it is more responsive to pressure than touch.
Experiencing an orgasm is a subjective experience. This means that everyone has a different experience of it and that difference can also be seen from one orgasm to the next.
In pure anatomical terms, an orgasm is made of the erectile tissue in the genitals (yes, we have erectile tissue in the female anatomy) getting engorged with blood, similar to the erectile process for men. This will lead to a build up of sensitivity and point of climax where the blood is released. This is accompanied by rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles for about 10 to 15 seconds, as well as the release of oxytocin, the feel-good hormone. For this process to take place, the conscious part of the brain needs to be turned off.
To maximise chances of achieving an orgasm, clitoral stimulation, either directly or indirectly needs to be present. Research has shown that most problems connected with orgasm issues are linked to stimulation in the appropriate areas. But other factors can affect the ability to reach an orgasm, such as performance anxiety (or any kind of anxiety), trauma history, high level of alcohol consumption, medication, specific conditions, pain,…
A few tips to help the start of your journey:
Explore your genital area by yourself. Get familiar with your anatomy.
Learn to feel and understand the sensations through exploring different pressure and poses.
Explore touch in various context such as in the shower or bath, with or without underwear,…
Try to keep your brain focused in the moment. If it starts wondering, bring your focus back to the sensations felt.
Practice mindfulness to allow your brain to learn to focus and turn off its conscious part.
Talking through your issues with a professional can help you gain the knowledge you need to work with your mind and body, at your own pace.
