Emotional intimacy

Working with relationships involves exploring levels of emotional intimacy, particularly in long term relationships. What is emotional intimacy and how do we build it?

Emotional intimacy is not something that is exclusive to romantic relationships. It is the core and fundamental of any meaningful relationship. It is the invisible chemistry that enables people to connect at a meaningful level. Let me ask you a question - how much do you actually know about your partner(s)? No matter how long you've been together, can you genuinely answer any question about them?

If the answer is yes, my second question is - can they answer any question about you?

If the answer is no to either one or both of the questions above, perhaps, you are experiencing issues in your relationship(s) because emotional intimacy is not as present as it used to be.

During the initial stages of building a relationship, we find ourselves to be curious about one another, we actively listen to what the other say and our thoughts naturally fly towards them at multiple times during the day. As we get to know each other better, we stop being curious and the other stops penetrating our thoughts. Then, a gap starts to grow and before we know it, we can't talk to each other as "we used to".

Emotional intimacy is about keeping that same curiosity and interest that we experience in the early stages of a relationship, and maintaining it over time. As we grow older, we evolve into different people, our sense of self adapts to the life experiences that we encounter. We become a different person, not entirely but our needs and wants evolve and what may have been important when you met each other, may no longer be of importance today.

For example, imagine that you used to move a lot because of your parents being in the army. Perhaps when you met your partner, finding stability was important. If you have found stability and feel settled now, your need may have evolved towards something different, like needing closeness for example.

What can be done to rebuild emotional intimacy?

• Be willing to spend time together, make it a priority

• Ask questions about anything to your partner and be willing to answer the same questions

• Add some small gestures to your daily routine that show your appreciation for your partner

• Try to have some form of physical contact daily (a kiss, touch of hands, hug,...)

Although not an exhaustive list of what can be done to rebuild emotional intimacy, the above 4 points will help heading in the right direction. The biggest challenge is to start the journey and then continuing it.